MustangSally's Journal

back to the library
Ah, so here I am again. In our school library. It is so quiet in here, and there are so many books. It is amazing...! I really enjoy it here. It makes a great place to escape to when you do not feel like putting up with people. There are so many different study nooks.
Anyway, I am coming down with a cold. I feel crappy. Ugh. But I have been keeping up with my exercise schedule, so at least I am fit, although germy. I admit, I also like working out because I would love to show off to my previous boyfriends/flings that I am in great shape and they are totally missing out. Ha. I am so mature...
I am hoping to find a research program in physics for over the summer. *sigh* I definitely question whether I am smart enough to get into one! Hopefully...
I read a really great manga the other day. It was about a girl who didn't fit into her school and got harrassed by other students. But she didn't let them get to her, because she was strong and better than that. She fought back and caught the attention of the most popular guy in the school... so cute!
Anyway... I had better get off to class now. Can't be late for Electricity and Magnetism. woo-hoo.

Current Mood: sick
Current Music: nada

Yoga
got out of lab early!
so in gym class today, we did yoga. kinda cool. relaxing. i definitely was able to release some pent up stress for classes. anyway, so I don't exactly have anything to say... for some reason, as soon as I get on the computer, I forget everything of meaning that I have to say. yeah. that's me. total ditz sometimes. really, really bad short term memory! *sigh*
i wish I could go to UREC instead of work tonight (but i need $$ the same as I need exercise). it will wait until tomorrow evening, i suppose. wooooooork. it will be so boring at the tutoring center tonight... no one ever has tests on Fridays, so no one ever comes in on Thursday nights. plus, so many people start their weekend early, that they are not willing to come in on Thursdays. oh, well. I am such a dork. gahhhhh. I better go do some of my own work as well. okay... this can continue later.

Current Mood: accomplished

Night
ok, so I am BORED tonight. time for some random thoughts.
let's see... to start...

so I have been watching "Joe Millionaire," which pretty much stands for everything I am against. Ugh. I cannot believe some of the women on that show. Some of the women are just plain tramps, and others seem nice, but I cannot help wonder what would cause them to do such a show. What are they thinking?? gahhhh! what happened to women's lib? are we all truly doomed to grow up to be housewives and mothers?! no!! no no no no NO! why do these women think they NEED a man, they have to rely on a man, they cannot live with a man? i don't get it. yeah, i like guys, don't get me wrong. but i will never become a housewife. EVER. no kids. EVER. i will probably be the breadwinner, too. i mean, i really think i will make more at whatever job i have than this mysterious Mr. Right will. no offence to him (I have not even met him, and I am already offending him? this isn't a good start...). anyway... let's move on. this seems to be a touchy subject for me.
ok, so school has been kind of rough, but I don't like complaining about it (even though i do all the time), because I really like it, despite. I do so much work. more work than a lot of other people at this school... *grumble, grumble* sp i hate to listen to them complain when i definitely have more (and harder) work than them. *sigh* anyway... i have been really healthy lately. i have been running at 6 am every morning, and going to UREC on weekends. i work out most days of the week (even if it is only for a 20 minute run). i feel better about this, too. in high school, i was definitely more fit than i am now. so i am back into the workout groove. i am not unfit now, but i could be better. i am even eating a little better, too. yay for me.
okay, enough of that.
you know what pisses me off? my ex-boyfriend. what a weirdo! he has such issues. it has been over a year, and he has not dated anyone else. me, well... yeah. too many. none of them successful, either. he is hot and cold, and he does not seem to know how to be just a friend. he is so worried that i might still like him. trust me, NOTHING there. i can barely even stand being anywhere near him anymore. he is so annoying. and dorky. i thought i was a nerd, but he is just a loser. goodness. what did i see in him?? AGHHH! i hope he just learns how to deal soon. i don't really care either way anymore. *sigh* i must be so cold hearted. but what else can i do?

maybe i should post some of my essays on here. they can ramble on, but hey, what is a journal for? ok, it is hw time...

Current Mood: restless
Current Music: they paved paradise to put up a parking lot...

the answer is 42
yeah, so i ROCKED that Analog Electronics quiz... not that you care. what a good day. i don't really have as much homework as I though I did. woo-hoo! other than the impending Valentine's Day coming up, everything is going pretty great. My Solid Mechanics class is easy as all get out. Gym class... right, there is a hard class... ha! as for Electricity and Magnetism, well, it really is not that hard, but the professor is confusing as hell at times. Partial Differential Equations and Fourier Analysis... damn, it is hard, but right now I am understanding the material. Plus, it should be fun once Dr. Smith comes back and we get rid of the annoying sub.
Anyway, enough school talk. Like I don't get that everyday. I cannot wait to move into an apartment in August! I need my own room. i love my roomie and all, but i NEED my own room. I just need my space, my quiet time... you know. It has been kinda hard to adjust to having a new roommate this year. I was so used to Amy, that it is kinda weird living with Jackie. No offense to her, or anything like that. Just different. In some ways better. but in other ways, I miss Amy terribly. Ah, well. My suitemates this year are a thousand times better than they were last year, despite their lunacy. I love 'em to death, though. They have always been there for me. :)
I even have Yoshiko. How much luckier can I get?? My friends are great. *sigh* that's why I know it is selfish to want a great boyfriend, too. THAT will not happen for such a long time, though. I am difficult, really. And plus, it is not a priority for me. I would like to have it, but I don't make time for it. I can't throw myself at guys. Just doesn't work like that for me. And I really like all the physics guys, but who am I kidding, I could not possibly date any of them. They just can't think of me like that... I am too much "just one of the guys." Maybe it is good to be one of the guys, but geez, sometimes I want to scream, "Look at me! I have BOOBS!" They don't really see me as a girl, but as a classmate, who as it happens, has female body parts. gahhhhhhhh. whatever.
Really, all i want is someone to have fun with right now. I don't want love or anything, just fun. A potential for love. nothing definite, just something with opportunity.
okay... I have work tonight, so this random rambling must end.

P.S. the answer to the universe is 42.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Say Anything

Miller Hall
Ah, yes, I am in Miller Hall, of course. where else would I be? This is the science building... so of course I live here, practically. I have been working hard already this semester. I have 18 credits... 15 of which are math and physics classes. My other class is Gym 101. woo-hoo! anyway... at least I like what I do. even if my profs are unrealistic, absentminded, or just plain nuts.
I know no one wants to here about my terrible, messed up "love" life, but i will jabber on, despite. So let's see... yeah, no one here. grrr. there is one guy in Paris, but uh, yeah, he is across an ocean! and plus, he seems disinterested now (probably having fun with French chics). and then there was the creepy stalker-like guy... ewwwwwwwww! oh, and the guy with a girlfriend already (who happens to be a whole hell of a lot like me!), and the guy who had serious weird commitment issues (even though i never wanted commitment... i just wanted FUN, damnit).
soooooooo, yeah. the guy i do like... never going to happen. ever. i know this. he is way too nice, smart, attractive, personable, and funny to ever like me back. so i may as well give up now. *sigh*. and it does not help that physics gets in the way. well, in some ways it helps, but all in all, it puts up a barrier between me and all nice, normal guys out there. why, you ask? i have no freakin' clue.
okay, well, back to the grindstone. i have a "quiz" in about half an hour. yeah, "quiz," so that means an all out exam probably... who knows with my Analog Electronics professor! i will finish this later, potater.

Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: the sound of the printer...

okay, so the movie is being put off awhile...
oh well, i am too bored to do hw and the movie doesn't start for awhile. i sort of feel like this whole journal thing is all for naught. i mean, who the hell is going to read this? i am just some girl in college, studying physics. i haven't made my mark on the world... yet. i guess it is just nice to have this anonymous journal, where no one who knows me can read my thoughts. i can just get it all out and not worry about who reads this.
i still live on campus, but next year... apartment 15A, Olde Mill! woo-hoo! how nice it will be to have my own room. no offence to my roomies or anything. anyway... i guess it is dinner time. ugh, on campus food. paid for by parents, but kinda shady. later.

Current Mood: cold
Current Music: punk, of course.

been awhile, eh?
So I guess I decided to go back to doing this. ah, well, maybe i stick with it for awhile.
so, what now? i guess i can just talk about random things. well, academics: good. friends: excellent. family: not bad (for now) boyfriends: none. love life: sucks. only losers.
ah, well. what can i do?
I am reading "the feminine mystique" right now. good, but scary as all get out. i mean, how could any women think like they did in the 40's? what had happened to womens' rights? wow, how lucky i am just to be living as i do today. i cant imagine not doing the things i do now, like going to college, studying physics, beating men at their own games.
anyway, i am going to the movies tonight. more later. :)

So it has been awhile since I have written anything...
I am so tired. Now that it is the end of the school year, I have so much to do. Yuck. I do not have any time any more. My professors seem to think that we have no life outside of thier class. Ha. And forget a social life. Grrrr. I would love to write something of importance right now, but my brain is fried and I still have a lot of homework to do tonight. Maybe later.

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: whatever is on Harrisonburg radio right now

Stupid people suck
I really dislike stupid people. Especially whoever decided it would be funny to put a few smoke bombs in my dorm, setting off the fire alarm, and waking everyone up at lousy 3 am. I was cold and tired, and I had to stand outside for 45 minutes or something while we waited for it to get checked out. Silly me, when a fire alarm goes off at 3 am I do not think about changing into clothes suitable for outside; I stay in my pj's and forget to out on shoes. Grrrr. Needless to say, my REM was disturbed! I went to bed early on purpose, so I could get a healthy 7 hours of sleep but instead some ass decided to make everyone miserable. I was so exhausted this morning... I fell asleep in the library for an hour this morning inbetween classes! If we every find out who did it... they will be very sorry they did. Grrrrr. How annoying. Some people really are inconsiderate. Okay, well, back to bed for me and no more complaining.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: nothing... i cannot concentrate that hard right now

Only 5 more weeks of school...
What a gloomy day. It is all rainy and crappy outside. Yuck. Plus, we lost an hour of sleep last night. I thought I might write something interestign today, but then I logged on and realised I really had nothing to comment on. All I have been doing lately is thinking about where my life is going and what track I am headed on. Sometimes I doubt whether I am doing the right thing and then other times I realise how right some things are in my life. Sometimes I think I am not doing anything important with my life, but other times I see how wonderful the simple things are and important those little things can be. Anyway, just a short thought for the day. Sometimes, doing the really "important" things is not really that important after all.

Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Verdi- Requiem Mass, Dies Irae

The male population has not found favor in my eyes recently. For some reason, they like to screw everything up. I am fuming right now. Grrr. I thought once they went off to college, they stopped being little boys, but obviously not. Some guys are still little boys and have absolutely no clue as to how to treat a girl. Well, okay, not all guys act like little boys, but it seems like all the ones I start to care about or think that I like, are really just ignorant little boys who have no idea about how women should be treated. But it is not like I am really one of those demanding traditional women! I am very feminist and liberal about the whole dating thing. I do not believe men should always have to pay for dinner or pay for everything. And I do not really expect that much... just love and appreciation. I do not think men should soend a ton of money on women or should be completely "perfect" at all times. I do not want a guy who is smooth and knows exactly what to do all the time. However, a guy who knows what to do SOME of the time would be nice. Too bad I cannot find any like that. They all like to screw things up.
Several of the guys I dated were really egotistical and liked everything I liked and were just annoying. I always went for the intelligent, sort of math nerdy type. You know, the guys who were always on the honor roll and took honors and AP classes, like me. Yeah, well, it turns out most of those guys really aren't for me. Well, then there is the other end of the spectrum which I have been trying... the guy who is not a math/science geek, is not a rocket scientist, but he is not dumb, he is into business... the sort of "average" guy, except he is not, he is really great. Too bad that this guy has no idea of how to treat a girl or how to be interested in my oh-so-boring life of math and science. Damn it all. I mean, this guy is not a total dunce, but he just does not know how to handle a reltionship and I do not know what to do. Should I continue to try to date this type of guy or should I go back to the arrogant, smart guy? Or maybe just not date at all. I do not know! Grrrr. It just does not make sense. I cannot seem to find a happy medium. I sometimes wish I knew who the right guy was for me, but then I suppose that would take all the fun out of finding him. Well, maybe when life makes some sense again, I will write in this journal again, however, right now, I just want to relax and read a book.

Current Mood: infuriated
Current Music: angry chic music

I have a physics test today, but it (hopefully) will not be too hard... it is just AC circuits and optics. Right now I am kind of freaked out and paranoid about pyschokillers and cannibals. I watched "Silence of the Lambs" and "Hannibal" in the past 2 days... yeah, that does not help you sleep at night. I fell asleep with the lights and my music on. My roommate turned them off when she got back from the library, but by that time I was sound asleep. I do not know why I like scary movies so much. They scare the crap out of me and make me all paranoid and stuff, yet I continue to watch them. Oh, well, I am going to get in some quick studying before my test.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: nothing... I am in the library again.

*Sigh*...
The weather tricked me this morning. It was snowing pretty hard but none of it was sticking to the pavement or roads. Instead it covered the grass and rooftops. And, just as I was hoping to get out of my dreaded test, it STOPPED! Now, it is just freezing rain. Yuck, what a mess it is outside. Weather in the Shenandoah Valley is so strange. It is like nothing else in the world. One day it will be sunny and temperate, the next, gloomy, rainy, and freezing cold. Well, so much for wishful thinking. Now, instead of studying for another test which is in physics tomorrow, I am staring out the window, typing on the computer, and becoming more depressed. Not much fun at all. It was so cold in ALL of my classes today so far. In calculus, I thought I was going to get frostbite. It was so damn cold. We should have just had class outside; at least then we wouldn't have those stupid air vents blowing on us. Oh, well, whatever. I should take a nap before my next class...

Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: Beethoven, Symphony #5

Adding to my list of complaints...
I thought it was funny today when I read someone else's journal and I read some ideas that strangely sounded like mine...
Yeah, I have to say it is a sad day when supposed leaders and educators reject the evolutionary theory. For them not see its validity and its educational purposes, is extremely depressing. How can our children, our next generation, continue to learn, grow, and continue to progress in fields of study if we, the preceding generation, reject these academic ideas? If we reject so-called "proposterous" ideas, then these children are not going to try and search for new answers in life-- we will just regress into the traditional, close minded way of life of centuries past. Do not get me wrong, I am a Christian and I fully believe in God, the higher being, but I cannot understand how people reject the fact that God created a complex world which evolves to become more complex. It would have been boring if all he did was just one day all the animals would just appear and he never helped them to change. And how would he know what they should look like just yet? It took God years before he knew how to shape our lives and he will continue to do so. I wish some of these people see what a wonderfully mysterious and intricate world our God has created for us; to think that there has been no evolution contradicts that God made us complex. Okay, now before people start to get all worked up because, God forbid, I believe in evolution, I will switch topics. I know there are people who probably think I am going to hell.
Something else that was brought up was the "popular" crowd. Yeah, I admit, I was never really "in" with them... I was too much of a square for their social circles. When someone thinks of a popular person, what stereotype comes to mind? Well, I think (and I am sure most do too) that a popular person is a whiny, preppy, live-off-of-daddy's-money-because-why-should-they-waste-their-time-with-getting-a-job, party-crazy, binge-drinking, sex-crazed, brainless little brat. Yeah, and that is the shortened version. But it is so true. Not too many "popular" people in high school or from your childhood were actually decent, good folks. When you have some standard of morals and actually have conscience, or even have a brain, chances are you were not cool in high school and you were a nerd. Damn. Hate being a nerd. How terrible it is to have some academic standard. Okay, now I will stop being mean. It is not that I am bitter or jealous about popular people, because really, they did not affect me a whole lot. I just got over, moved on, and became to me what an acceptable, good, successful human being is. Or at least I try, because I am by no means perfect. Well, yeah, I have class soon so I am going to just end this.

Sometimes, I really dislike classes. I am so tired of some of my classes. I really want them to be over with. I would not mind keeping physics and calculus, but some of the general education courses can just go. And, actually, so can the honors seminars now I think of it. I do not mind the honors general education classes, but the seminars should go. I despise them. Or at least, I despise the one I am in because the professor thinks that we have NOTHING else to do with our lives than do some crummy research, type and print tons of scripts, and spend hours outside of each class for meetings. Well, she is wrong! I have all sorts of important physics, calculus, and music industry classes to worry about, especially since they are part of my major! I think I am going crazy. Plus, my printer has been freaking out yet again. It gets mad at me when I try to print things. Damn thing is going back to the store when I get a chance. Anyway, moral of today's story is: General Education classes SUCK! Okay, okay, I will be nice now. I am just really tired. I should try and get more sleep but it never works. I decide there are more fun things to do than sleep.
My next class I go to is General Communications... yeah, it is a required class. I would never take such a class on my own. For crying out loud, I am a physics major... I am going to be a recluse anyway, so why do I of all people have to learn how to communicate??!! *Sigh*. It is absolutely no fun to learn about speaking skills and people skills, especially when you haven't any. Plus, the professor makes us give speeches... yeah, too bad some of us LACK public speaking skills. Some of us would rather curl up in a little ball and die before giving a speech to the class, especially a class where everyone comes from different majors and takes very little interest in what others do their speech on. Well, who needs this anyway? The administratirs keep saying we need to be well-rounded students, but, quite frankly, I would rather spend my time learning about topics that interest me instead of some of this liberal arts education crap. Ah, well, I need to go now and learn how to communicate with others... ha ha.

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: silence of the library

*Sigh*. No more physics or music industry homework, please!
Well, I was talking about the morals thing the other day, and got me thinking more. I guess I have some really conservative beliefs even though I do not think I am all that conservative. I mean, I am conservative in some ways because I do not believe in premarital sex, I go to church on Sundays, I do not drink or smoke, I do not believe in excessive PDA's, and stuff like that. But on the other hand I am an evolutionist, I believe in women's lib rights, I hate little children and commitment, I am pro-choice and pro-death penalty, I am sort of into the Green Party, and other stuff like that. Maybe that is weird, I do not know. It could just be because of my crazy upbringing, but let us not delve into that! I am completely opposed to traditional female roles-- no woman should be stuck in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. Grrr. No housewives. I think it is ridiculous, but I am going to stop before I start ranting about that topic. Morals are a funny thing. It is all relative. Hehe... I am good at relating topics back to physics... ok, ok, I will stop.
AAUUUUUGGHHHHHH!!!
Fire alarm going off in the dorm! GRRRR!!!! It is WAY TOO COLD to be standing outside. Plus I will have to walk all the way back up to 5th floor... ugh... and I went to aerobics today.

Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Independent Women- Destiny's Child

Libraries are funny. They are always so quiet. It is so weird the way so many people can be in one room and be completely silent. All you here is the humming of the computers, the scratching of pencils, the shuffling of book pages. Huh. Anyway, enough of that randomness. There is no easy way to tell someone to back off. It always comes off wrong, no matter what. Either you sound like you pity them (and then they despise you for thinking they need pity) or you just sound like a bitch. It is a lose-lose situation. But sometimes you feel like if you do not say something to them now, it is just going to get worse and the more you put it off, the more the situation snowballs. I do not know what to do about this situation because I have never had to deal with this before. It is just so different than what I am used to. It is so hard having to live around so many people all at once. It seems like there is no escape sometimes. But, I really do need to say something because otherwise I just get all mad and irritated; if I do not say something now while I am not hugely angry it would be better than just exploding in their faces and saying something I might regret. Yeah. So. How would I even begin? It is too touchy of a subject, I think. But whenever I think I might mention something casually to them, I always think, well, maybe I am wrong to say such things, and I do not say anything. But I do not think that I am wholly wrong to get irritated sometimes, but I do not want to lose a friend (well, or friends, I guess). I mean, yeah, sure, they keep me up till ALL hours of the nights, even when I have 8 am classes the next day, but still, I do not want to jeopardize a friendship. And yeah, sure, they are not always respectful of keeping quiet when I am trying to do homework, but still. And, okay, maybe sometimes they think whatever they are doing has priority over the rest of us. But, I guess I can deal. And, yeah, sometimes, he is a bit mean and she does not always stop him, but he does not really mean it to be cruel, he is just... playful and likes to find humor in things, I guess. I guess it is just hard when you have to schedule your life around someone else's. I know that rooming with people means a lot of compromising. It just seems like sometimes that some people have to comprimise more than others. This must sound so vague to anyone who reads this. I guess I do not have too many complaints though, because it all comes with the territory. When you live with someone, you do a lot of compromising to live peacefully. And I am sure people complain about me, too. I, mean, it is not like I am perfect. I wish I were, but that is another story. So, I guess, maybe I should just keep things as they are because I do not want to stir up trouble, especially with people I care about. Living with other people is about making wise descisions and fair compromises. I will just keep truckin'. There are a lot of good things about living with other people; it seems like it is easier to complain than to think of all the good.

Current Mood: just thinkin'
Current Music: Humming of computers and the tapping on keyboards

O Brother, Where Art Thou...
Ugh, 8 am classes are the worst. I have to admit, even though I love math, 8 am is way too early for advanced calculus. Anyway, now that is over with and I am in the library. Maybe it will give me a new perspective on what to type. I watched a movie last night (even though I had watched the previous movie), "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" Hmm... it was sort of dumb, but funny in some parts. It is loosely based on Homer's The Odysseus. I can see the correlation. A lot of the movie's humor derived from stereotypes and just plain ridiculous situations-- it was not like it was cheap humor, per se. Anyway, I guess it was fun because Dan, Jeff, and I were thee only ones on the theater.

Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Just the silence of the library computer lab

Hehe...
I just watched a highly educational movie... "Muppets From Space." Actually, just about all the lessons I have learned about life, come from the Muppet movies. You know, about friendship, family, dreams, disappointments... yeah that sort of stuff. It sounds silly but it is true. Plus, the movies make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well, anyway, I am sitting at my computer, yet again today, and staring out the window. Everyone seems to be gone today, or they are too busy with their life to pay attention to you. My roommate is somewhere with her boyfriend and my friend across the hall is talking to her boyfriend online, and everyone else is gone or doing homework. *Sigh*. Well, at least I am not bitter about "love" and "relationships" any more. Now, I can tolerate other happy, in love people, but about a year ago... I did not handle it too well. I snarled and sneered at people who thought they were in love. I was fairly pessimistic and sarcastic about the idea of love. I used to think it was all a bunch of baloney until I finally met someone and realised how special it could really be. Even now, I still have a few issues, but now, I really do believe there is someone for everyone out there and when you find him or her, you better hang on tight because that is a feeling I would never give up for the entire world. Anything can wait for love and love is really one of the most important things you could ever encounter. Even if you find someone and have that "moment" for just a passing, fleeting second, no one would trade that moment for a million dollars. It is just something you have to experience to truly understand how it feels to love and to be loved, even if it is just for awhile. It is a completely indescribable moment. And, if you are lucky enough to find someone you are in love with and you get to spend any amount of time with, to be able to cuddle with that person and be held in his or her arms is exhilarating. You feel as if nothing in the world could ever go wrong and nothing could ever hurt you. *Sigh*. What a marvelous feeling. I would give anything for a feeling like that again. I know this sounds cheesy, but love conquers everything, all obstacles and all people. Love will always be there in the end.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Shaggy- O Carolina, Rockappella- Pretty Woman

Well as you can see, I have finished my homework already today, and I REALLY do not feel like studying music industry or physics right now (although I have a test in each class next week). Anyway, the sun is lowering itself below the mountaintops outside and dark shadows are being cast over the buildings. The clouds are this gorgeous palette of pinks, blues, and lavendars. Hmm... I went to the gym today at noon for aerobics. Well, at least it is exercise. I am not much of an aerobics girl... i prefer actually running and sports, but what the hell. My friend convinced me to go and I guess it is better than running by myself. *Sigh*. It is such a nice evening outside and I have nobody to spend it with. Well, we all cannot get what we want. Though, wouldn't it be nice? I am just staring out the window right now just thinking about things. I have been thinking about a lot of things lately and sometimes it makes it worse and even more confusing then before. Hmmm... I am just sitting here musing...
Well, actually, I really need to go to the dinner hall now and grab a bite to eat before it closes. Everyone is getting ready to go there now, so maybe I will post some new thoughts later.

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